Managing Dating Anxiety: Tips and Strategies
Understanding Dating Anxiety
Feeling nervous about dating is normal, but sometimes these feelings can become overwhelming. Most people feel some anxiety when meeting a new romantic interest. You're trying to make a good impression while getting to know someone. However, if you live with an anxiety disorder, dating can be especially challenging.
Why Does Dating Make Me Anxious?
If your anxiety feels strong enough to make you reconsider dating, there might be deeper reasons behind it.
Anxiety When Meeting Someone New
In today's dating culture, many people meet potential partners outside their usual circles, often through dating apps. These platforms can add to the anxiety as you often know very little about the person beforehand. This “fear of the unknown” can be particularly triggering for those with anxiety disorders.
Common Causes of Dating Anxiety:
Body Image Concerns: Worrying about how your appearance will be judged.
Fear of Dating Again: Anxiety about re-entering the dating scene after a significant relationship, divorce, or the loss of a partner.
Social Anxiety: General discomfort in social settings.
Avoidant Personality Disorder: Intense feelings of inadequacy and fear of being judged.
Fear of Rejection: Anxiety about being rejected, as well as the fear of rejecting others.
Specific Phobias: Common dating-related fears include:
Fear of dating (sarmassophobia)
Fear of falling in love or relationships (philophobia)
Fear of sex (genophobia)
Is It Anxiety or Just Nerves?
It's easy to confuse typical dating jitters with an anxiety disorder. Both can cause:
Excessive worry
Difficulty focusing
Sweating
Muscle tension
Digestive issues
However, while typical jitters usually subside as the date progresses, an anxiety disorder can cause ongoing, debilitating symptoms that persist or reappear based on specific triggers.
How to Manage Dating Anxiety
Dating anxiety is a common experience that can be managed with various strategies. Here are five ways to cope with dating anxiety:
Prepare Mentally:
Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that no one is perfect, and dates are a chance to get to know someone better, not a final judgment on your worth.
Positive Affirmations: Use positive self-talk to boost your confidence and reduce negative thoughts.
Practice Relaxation Techniques:
Deep Breathing Exercises: Practice deep breathing or mindfulness meditation to calm your nerves before and during the date.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense and then release each muscle group in your body to reduce physical tension.
Practice Relaxation Techniques:
Choose Comfortable Settings: Opt for familiar and comfortable places where you feel safe and at ease.
Keep It Simple: Start with low-pressure activities like coffee or a walk in the park, which can make it easier to engage in conversation.
Focus on the Present:
Stay in the Moment: Pay attention to the conversation and your date rather than worrying about how you are being perceived.
Active Listening: Engage in active listening by asking questions and showing genuine interest in your date, which can help distract from anxious thoughts.
Seek Support:
Talk to Friends or a Therapist: Share your concerns with friends or a therapist who can provide support and perspective.
Join Support Groups: Consider joining support groups for people with similar anxieties, where you can share experiences and coping strategies.
By implementing these techniques, you can better manage dating anxiety and create a more enjoyable dating experience.
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References
Antony, M. M., & Swinson, R. P. (2008). The shyness and social anxiety workbook: Proven, step-by-step techniques for overcoming your fear. New Harbinger Publications.
Hofmann, S. G., & Otto, M. W. (2008). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder: Evidence-based and disorder-specific treatment techniques. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 31(3), 469–480. DOI: 10.1016/j.psc.2008.03.004