Healing from Emotionally Unavailable Parents
Having parents who don't show much emotion or understanding can make growing up tough. It might feel like they were always there in body, but not in spirit, never really grasping what you were going through or offering the support you needed. This sort of upbringing can impact you deeply, affecting your self-view and how you connect with others even into adulthood.
Spotting Emotionally Unavailable Parents
Emotionally unavailable parents might not tune into what you're feeling or needing emotionally. They may seem distant, brushing off your feelings or avoiding deep conversations. This might make talking about emotions with them uncomfortable and leave you feeling unsupported.
How It Affects You
This kind of upbringing can leave you feeling lost or lonely, not just as a kid but also as an adult. It can be hard to trust people or get close to them, and you might find yourself constantly seeking the approval or understanding that you didn’t get from your parents.
Ways to Heal and Grow
Understand Your Feelings
If you have an emotionally unavailable parent, expressing your emotions might be difficult. It's essential to take time to understand your feelings without judging yourself. This might involve noticing how your body feels and identifying the emotions these sensations signal. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can also be a great way to recognize patterns and better understand yourself.
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries with emotionally unavailable parents can be challenging because it often feels like navigating a minefield of guilt and fear of conflict. Here’s how you can approach it:
Repeat Frequently: Reinforce your boundaries through repetition. It helps firmly establish what you are comfortable with.
Nice No: Learn to say no nicely, without feeling guilty or the need to offer a lengthy explanation.
Rescue Role: Avoid taking on the responsibility to fix or manage your parents' emotions. You are not their emotional caretaker.
Detach from Them: Practicing emotional detachment can help you protect your mental health. It means not getting overly involved in your parents' emotional issues.
Change the Topic or Get Out of the Hook: If conversations turn towards uncomfortable territories, change the subject, or if needed, step away from the conversation altogether.
Find Support
Reaching out for support, whether through therapy, support groups, or understanding friends, can provide you with the strength and validation you need to navigate this challenging aspect of your life.
Be Kind to Yourself
Healing is a journey with its ups and downs. It’s okay to have bad days. Being kind to yourself means allowing yourself to feel your feelings and understanding that healing takes time.
Build Your Tribe
Surround yourself with people who listen and care. Supportive friends and chosen family can offer the emotional connection and understanding you may have missed.
Moving On
Remember, your past doesn’t have to dictate your future. You can build a life filled with love, understanding, and joy, regardless of your upbringing. Each step toward understanding your emotions and establishing boundaries is a step toward a healthier, happier you. It’s okay to seek help along this journey. You’re not alone, and there is a path forward to a brighter, more emotionally fulfilling life.
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Reference:
Gibson, L. C. (2015). Adult children of emotionally immature parents: how to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents. Oakland, CA, New Harbinger Publications, Inc.